[ Use Your Evil ] – Deus ex Machina

To describe to you the effects of a hallucinogen would be nearly impossible for each trip is different and each is personal.  There are many things in this world that cause one to hallucinate, from little chains of molecules, to simple, every day sleep deprivation.  A secondary curse of insomnia, I find that after about the 20th hour, I seem to hit a bump in the connection and everything goes strange.

Still, sitting here, listening to Ghreg on Earth (the Elder Sign), and fairly enjoying myself, I feel that soon, I will reach a new awareness.  Not enlightenment, just becoming more aware.  Aware of my surroundings, of myself, of the good in my life just as much as the bad…  It’s an honorable thought and goal.  I shall try my best to live up to my own expectations.

There’s a sound to Psy-Trance that simply puts me ‘Center’.  I can think, I am coherent, and I don’t have the fleeting moments of manic depression that often occur when I have writers block.  Through this smog of tobacco smoke and incense, I see…  I see a world that I am about to enter into once again.  I see a pair of young writers, off on an adventure across America and into themselves.  I see the reason and want, and I see the outcome and chances.

There are few things in life that I am certain of, but the main one is this; To lose hope is to throw yourself away.  Never give up!  You are strong.  You are able.  Damn well act like it!

Life has a way of making us pay, regardless of if we were the ones that incurred the charge.  I wander in and out of a clear and not so clear state, the images and events of the past few days slowing being gone over to make sure there were no fuck ups or irreparable mistakes.  Though I am twenty one, I feel older.  Perhaps it is because most of the friends I’ve ever had were older than me.  I knew from a young age that the older generations had something I wanted…  Wisdom… Knowledge… Experience.  I had none of these.  To date, I’m not sure if I do now.  But I do have a good idea of what I believe in, even if it is nonsense to most.

For now, I am stopping… Taking a breather and going to take a stretch.

Regards,

Scarab S.  (che$hire)

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~ by binarycheshire on April 9, 2008.

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